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PART II: Assertiveness Training: How To Say … “No”… and Get What You REALLY Want!
Right out of the gate let me rob you of a discovery:
There are two critically important factors that are short circuiting your assertive super powers and messing with your god given right to be happy, successful and fulfilled:
It’s the Why and the What factor …
More specifically:
WHY: Not being aware of the deeper motives (sometimes unconscious) that drives your yes/no answers
WHAT: Not knowing what it is you really want
When you have a handle on the “WHY?” and “What?” the rest is simple:
Say… “NO” … to the things that hurt you … and … “YES” … to the things that help you!
The “WHY” and “WHAT” is different for everybody; but for all intents and purposes the goal is the same wether you are the Janitor or CEO:
To get what you want of course!
Here’s how:
ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING 101: Getting to your “WHY” in 3 Easy Steps
Step 1: Read Part I if you haven’t already Read Part I: “How to say No and Get What you Really Want”
Step 2: Think of the last three times you said YES when you wanted to say NO
Step 3: Then do what it takes to find your “Why?”
Take your time on this …
It took me a few weeks and some frank discussions with friends before I got to my “WHY” I say Yes when I wanted to say No.
In the meantime …
Answer these … LOADED … questions to help get the juices flowing …
(don’t kill the messenger)
I say YES when I really want to say NO Questionnaire:
- Is it so people will like me?
- Do you want to be seen as someone who can get it done?
- Did you grow up in an environment that drives this behavior?
- Was it to make you look good and someone else bad?
- Do you think someone will finally notice you and you will be promoted?
- Are you avoiding something? What?
- Is it more important to you how things appear to others vs how you feel about it?
- Where do you get your self worth? Is it tied up in being a people pleaser?
- Are there dire repercussions if you say anything other than yes?
- Is it that you want everyone to be happy and get along?
- Are you afraid of defending your position if you say no?
- Were you fully conscious when you gave your answer?
- Are you telling yourself “No else can do it?”
- Is someone volunteering you?
- Are you being bullied?
- Are you lonely?
- Are you to shy?
- Did you volunteer before you were even asked?
- Other questions (insert here)
“THE OLDEST SHORTEST WORDS- “YES” AND “NO”- ARE THOSE WHICH REQUIRE THE MOST THOUGHT”
~Pythagorus
Dig deep and figure it out folks …
This is a life changer.
And … PLEASE … don’t be afraid to talk it out with a good friend/councilor/guide/therapist … whatever.
Just get it done …
Because once you find and understand (or even have partial awareness) of your “WHY” … you are going to make better choices … and then things are going to change for the better …
We promise!
Stay Tuned For Part III:
ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING: How to Say NO and Get What you REALLY Want!
In part III we will share a Powerful Assertiveness Formula that will show you:
1. How to combine your “WHAT” and ” Why” to supercharge your assertiveness skills.
2. Replace your old “WHY” to make things happen in your life you … NEVER … in your wildest dreams thought possible!
To Your Success!
Andrew + TurnMaker Team
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